Felddog

If I'm an expert on anything, besides eating pizza, it's acting. I'm not saying I'm the greatest actor in the world. I am, in fact, the...347Th greatest actor in the world right between Denis Hopper and Alfalfa from Our Gang. But i have an eye for that sort of thing, and in my opinion there is one actor that stands hand over heads over everyone else:
Corey Feldman.
The Feld-dog, you say? Yes I do. In the battle of the Coreys, he makes the Corey Haim (the Haim-bone) look like a talentless assfaced spaz. Feldman's acting technique is so unique...he goes deeper into his emotional memory than any actor I know.
For those of you who have never studied the Stanislavsky method of acting, emotional memory is using a deep psychological explorations of the senses and emotions you feel in real life to then draw upon those on the stage or for the screen.
If Feldman was perhaps needing to feel sad for a scene, let's say, He could use his sense memory about running out of coke while snorting it off a whore's ass with Scott Baio in 1989. That made him sad. After all there are few things sadder than a whore's ass devoid of any cocaine. It is like a smooth peach wasteland of broken dreams. He might think of that and BAM! ready to turn on the water works.
What is the best of Feld? Is it his masterful turn as Mouth in the Goonies? Or perhaps Stand by Me? Was it Licence to drive? NO. Haim only holds him back. Same with Dream a little dream I and II. No, I would have to say the greatest moment for Corey Feldman would have to be Bikini Bandits go to Hell. In this film, to call it a movie is to sully it, is about a group of Bikini clad bank robbers who die after they fall off a cliff. When they go to hell they try to escape and try to get to heaven. That is where Feldman takes his turn as the Angel Gabriel. It is well trod territory for fiction (see Dante's the Inferno or Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey) but this time it makes me happier than a fat man standing open mouthed under a maple syrup truck's exit valve. If there is a God, he would most certainly put the Feld-dog in charge of his choirs of seraphim. Amazing.
You can see The Feld off Broadway in Fatal Attraction the Greek tragedy. He plays Michael Douglas. I for one hope they give out Kleenex...I may cry.