Monday, July 16, 2007

On Subway Peeing

Ok, so subway peeing.

For those of you who've never been to New York let me tell you how the train works. The NY subway is not on a monorail like the London tube or Disney's rail system. They are on literal train tracks with wheels and everything. So you have two tracks and then a third rail which is electrified and provides the train with power. Now when you are standing on the platform the live third rail is the furthest away from you. They are the entire lenth of the train, maybe 15 feet or so.

So what I wonder is if I could hit it with my pee.

Peeing on the subway is nothing new. There are alot of homeless folks that live in the subway system, particularly in the winter because the trains are heated. Also, most stations don't have bathrooms (not that you'd want to use them even if they did. I'm pretty sure a subway toilet is the origin of both the avian flu and the ebola virus). But could i hit it?

One day I had to pee really bad on the way back from school, and it was after that blizzard and I pee'd in the snow. It shot up a bunch of steam and immediately froze into a pee pop. My weenis didn't want to pee at first since it didn't understand the temperature it suddenly found itself, 14 degrees. My penis was all like, "Damn Mutherfucker! It's cold as hell!" and I was all like "pee!" and he was all like, "Ok! Fine!". YEah I talk to my penis. fuck off.

Throwing stuff at the third rail isn't new either. You see lots of batteries and metal things by the third rail by kids that had thrown shit to watch it zap. But what would pee do?

The first rail I could definitely hit, no problem. The second I think I could hit if i whipped my penis like a fire hose. The third rail though, that a challenge. I think If i pulled my wiener way back like back to my ass and flung it forward I could use it like a catapult to hit the third rail. I'd of course drink alot of water before hand and hold it for a while to get maximum water pressure...or pee pressure.

It's a thought.

Also some asshole keyed my car. Let me tell you something...If I had caught him...well, let's just say if you see a 270 pound guy wielding a golden skull headed mace wearing only underwear, snowboots, and a Mexican wrestler mask chasing you down the street you're not fucking likely to do that shit again.

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