Laura Dern Sucks

You know who I hate? Laura Dern. She sucks. alot. and not in that good "meet me under the stairwell at lunchtime"way either. First of all she has no subtext to any of the characters she plays. whether she's in Blue Velvet dating Kyle McClaughlin, in Rambling Rose, or running away from dinosaurs in Jurassic park. Also she is ugly, damn ugly. Not Willem Dafoe ugly, but like an Afghan hound with a face tumor. Man I wanted that velociraptor to eat her, but even he wouldn't go near that bitch and they eat rotting carrion. I once knew a girl that looked like Laura Dern. I had to 'Stand' with her at a quincenaera when I was 15. This sucked because quinceneras where a good way to hook up with chicks but I was put with afghan hound Laura dern girl. Oh she wanted to ride on the Jack Tomas train to extacylandia, but I denied her.
Speaking of Willem Dafoe, John and I saw a woman on the subway that was an uglier pockmarked high on crack version of Willem Dafoe. She was unfortunate. Like cystic fibrosis or Michael Bolton.
We were driving out to Cooperstown to go to the Baseball hall of fame and we discovered the source of the International Zionist Conspiracy or IZC. It was in a town called Suffern NY and there was an orthodox Jew with his tallit and stuff and he ran the International Zionist Conspiracy from a phone booth in the Exxon parking lot. He kept looking around to make sure that no one was coming to get him. He saw that John and I saw him but we simply flashed our Jew membership cards (our circumcised Junk) and he let us go. He looked really busy because it was passover and he had to coordinate killing all those christian children to use their blood to make matzoh. Later we saw two of his agents on the side of the road examining some grass...some anti-Semitic grass.
Speaking of grass happy 4-20 day for all of you who smoke the pot. I myself do not nor have I ever smoked of the pot. I have inhaled second hand smoke hanging out on the back porch of my friend Psycho Mike's house. He and his dad would often get high and tell me about how the moon landing was staged and how soon robots would solve all our problems and do all our work for us. Leave it to hippies to believe that and not the truth that soon the robots will revolt and try to kill us all. Remember, when in doubt smash their sensors and screens with a crowbar.